Where exactly do I go from here? I have been asking myself lately with this question. Actually, a lot more questions and realizations came to mind.
Well, I have listed down the things that I asked to myself which made the confusions.
- Am I ready to be a mother?
- Do I really want to go through the motherhood?
- Would I really be able to travel on places I want, is it practical? What exactly good would it do to me?
- How long exactly do I want to be living here in UAE?
- I want to migrate to another country, but where? How would I know that I will succeed let alone survive?
- If I will go travel, do I really want to be alone? or Jhey’s company would be better. Would it really pose my independence if I go alone?
These are just the things that I kept on thinking over and over again. Whenever I have to make a like life-changing decisions, I always remind myself that I would never regret anything that would happen.
Whenever I see blogs from solo traveler, I get so jealous that I want to buy a ticket and jump to it right away. I want to do the same thing as what they’re doing, travel and enjoy every places, meet new people, mingle with locals and get to know the culture.
Most of the solo travelers left their day job and work as an editor or writer to be able to survive traveling. To be honest, I am not sure if I would be able to do that, and this would be very challenging if I will try. I will have to save a lot to prepare for the travel expenses, though there are ways on how to travel cheaper.
When I went to Hongkong alone to exit from Dubai, I love the feeling of independence of having to decide for myself where to go and what to do. I enjoyed it a lot though it was not really the best time as we lost tatang at the same time.
Well, aside from traveling, I also wanted to be a mother. I love imagining of having another person in my tummy, of going thru the pregnancy, and become a mother. I would like to experience it. That’s the main reason why I try so hard to wake up early in the morning to be able to go to gym and have a morning exercise, and I try to hard to control what I eat though sometimes I cheat.
But I know that I can’t do both. I can only be a mom and work for our living or be a traveler but not solo, for sure Jhey will tag along. If incase I would be pregnant, the plans and priorities would change of course. I have to take care of my future little monsters. But who knows, someday I would still be able to do both and maybe tag them along with my travel plans.
I am going to do what I can do to get pregnant, but I just won’t push it more as it would become more depressing to wait long. I would be 32 in less than 2 months, and I gave myself an ultimatum that if I would not get pregnant before I’m 33 then I’ll just leave it and move on and travel instead.
I am still hoping for the universe to conspire for both of my wishes or should I let destiny decide for itself?