OMG I’m 30! Hell Yeah! I would have not thought that when I come to this age, I would be at this stage, that I would be here in dubai or be married.
I had my 30th birthday alone! I was really heartbroken knowing the fact that my own future-ex husband did not remember my birthday. .so sweet eh? instead he had lot of things going on his mind, like thinking of what to buy for his nieces which literally i paid for. Anyway, first thing on that saturday morning I woke up early & went to church, lit 11 candles, prayed a bit & drove anywhere. I took few stops to take a photo of sunrise and the few scattered yet beautiful clouds.
After I went to church, I headed to Jumeirah, bought myself a breakfast from Mcdonalds & brought it to the open beach & stayed there. The view was surreal. The weather was fine, then I called my colleague Sarah & had lunch after. Then had strolled in the Mall for a bit & bid goodbye to her & then I headed to the open beach near JBR.
It was boring but I had a time for myself, to be honest I did not know what to feel or I have been trying to understand it. I wasn’t emotional at that time, I just didn’t want to be with people. I just want to be alone.
I know it would not be wise to think that I was not really happy on my birthday. I was & always be grateful of being alive, but I was not really happy at all that day. Maybe because I think I am not important, or I am being taken for granted, or people really haven’t had a thought about it, I mean the my sister & Jhey, not exactly other people. I know I did say that I don’t want to celebrate but haler!. .It didn’t mean that they should not remember it.
I was really depressed at that time, at writing about it a week later still feels the same. I wasn’t home that day, the whole day. I was driving around where I want. I wouldn’t gone home if I wasn’t sleepy, I know it would not be safe to be still driving, I’m afraid I might doze off.
When I got home, Jhey was waiting outside our building, he was worried, he cried & felt sorry for me. I didn’t even realize that I should be sorry for, because I spent my birthday alone. I really didn’t know how to react on what he said. I kept on telling him not to feel sorry for me coz I’m just alright. I felt fine, I didn’t feel sorry for myselt, no. .not at all. I was even at peace. In fact, I didn’t feel anything, no hatred, I didn’t even cry or whatsoever. I think I was numb that day. I totally don’t know what or how to describe that feeling.
Well, we all want to be our birthdays to be memorable. . Indeed, so as mine!